Please, oh please
JUST. FUCKING. DIE.
obscured VISION
My "personal" blog to fill the inbetween gaps when sanity isn't necessarily an option.
Feel free to follow or unfollow as you see fit. I won't be offended.
Here's my normaleverydayallpurposeTumblr:
http://transcendstratus.tumblr.com/
Feel free to follow or unfollow as you see fit. I won't be offended.
Here's my normaleverydayallpurposeTumblr:
http://transcendstratus.tumblr.com/
~ Wednesday, December 1 ~
~ Monday, November 22 ~
~ Sunday, November 21 ~
Hypocrisy
I don’t tell you the truth because I know you don’t feel the same way. ‘Cuz everytime we talk you mention him. It kills me so much though, because he takes everything for granted. I’m not pretty like he is, or charming or even social. I have trouble being loud and assertive because that’s just not…
The weird thing is that I feel so hypocritical in this entire rant because there is someone who likes me… and it’s not that I don’t want to be with her, it’s just I can’t get you out of my head. And the last thing I wanna do is jump halfheartedly into something I’m not sure about.
But completely honestly, I don’t even think she’s very interested in me at all. In fact I can’t help but think that I’m more of just a “backup plan” in her life. I just hate the way everything is right now.
I hate it because there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel totally and utterly useless. And beyond anything else, I feel so lonely. I kinda want to go somewhere where food and shelter aren’t a luxury. Where I have to worry about basic needs so I don’t have time to worry about such extraneous things like love…
Nothing’s been right ever since that day. I just want something to fit. I just want to be happy again.
(Source: whatistimtang)
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Continuation
I just got back from watching 127 hours— I guess all in all today turned out pretty well. Also I realized how much I love saying “Contemplating suicide” followed by a laugh in response to “What’s up?”
Simply because people laugh with me. To be totally honest, there are some people that I’m close to that I wish never became a part of my life. I hate talking to them, I hate the way they act, and I hate the way they talk to me. But what can I do?… if my friends are their friends, I just have to live with it.
After all, if it wasn’t for that I’d probably be completely alone… I don’t know why I’m such a girl about it -_- I really don’t. But I seriously can’t stand the idea of being alone. I mean, I can be isolated, sure. I could go days, weeks, even months without talking to my friends if I needed to.
But the idea of nobody being in my life. That nobody cares. That nobody will ever be here for me when I need them… It drives me insane. I don’t care how much it hurts, I need someone to lie to me right now.
I need someone to look me in the eyes, tell me that they love me, that they’ll always be here for me, and that everything’s going to be okay.
I don’t care about the pain anymore.
Because even being broken down to the point where I can’t even breathe is better than this hollowness.
So please, lie to me. Tell me that I matter to you.
(Source: whatistimtang)
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~ Saturday, November 20 ~
And so, fear
I hide in this corner because it’s warm to me
The decaying walls are familiar to me
They give me comfort to sleep in this skin I’m so uncomfortable in…
~ Friday, November 19 ~
Why bother?
When the result is so clear, why tempt fate?
The human element is something I can’t describe
Something that can’t be materialized or mathematically modeled
Because our irrationality, the fact that we fight reason
Is reason in itself why we’ve made it so far
And so I leave this chapter with a note for the future:
“Jump. How else will you know?”
~ Tuesday, November 16 ~
~ Monday, November 15 ~
Dear God…
Some day I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of people knowing who I am. I don’t want to be hurt or hope that I’ll be okay. I don’t want to “know” that I’ll be okay… I want to BE okay.
For once, let me remember what it is to be happy. That’s my only wish as I enter this shallow grave you’ve dug for me.
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